a new season - diary 1st entry

So my first week has arrived where I need to get accustomed to not only focus on work, I've been going into the office half day, my plan for the year ahead until I fetch my kids from playschool midday. Well it has started well.......well actually let me tell you the 1st five years of a child's life is easy compared to what comes after when they become a young child and outgrows the baby phase! My son, he's turning 5 in April has all of a sudden realized that things actually happens on demand, last night the following was said/asked of me, in one sentence and I am sure without even taking a breath....

"mommy I want to watch toy story but you must bring my duvet and my pillow to the TV room and then you must make me chocolate milk and do not forget my blanky and then you have to wait until the movie starts so you can press play, okay?, oh and popcorn please''

I had to go back and forth three times for the things on the list I did not promptly memorize. This past December holiday my husband lit the fire and this same little man turned up next to him, asked him what he was doing and on response from Ian replied "daddy why was I not known in this?"  Seriously?

So I'm trying to think of ways to keep them busy, today I tried my hand at baking cookies with this dinosaur cookie cutter given to me by their godmother. After what must be an epic fail, perhaps because I microwaved the butter, substituted baking soda for chocolate chips and then did not actually follow a roll out dough recipe my dinosaur looked more like a dismembered tortoise. One thing you need to understand is I love cooking, it is "me" time, I put Ellen DeGeneres's show on my kitchen TV and then I cook and I taste and I improvise and I love it and it makes me happy but I do not bake, I do not like baking and I don't like to measure and follow recipes and baking I believe is only measuring and following recipes and the fact that I've been on a no carb, no sugar diet on and off since my first child was born tasting is not an option either so I don't like baking. 
 

Brutally dismembered tortoise, killed at 2pm at the hands of a serial non-baker

Tonight I am cooking my mom's spaghetti bolognaise, although I most probably will only have mince for dinner, no carbs remember, I wish my parents lived closer, I miss them and I am reminded of them every day as a parent, mostly because of things I say to my kids that was said to me numerous times as a child, things like keep your room tidy, dirty laundry in the basket, brush your teeth but also things like in this house we make mistakes but we say we're sorry, we respect each other, we forgive each other, we have fun, we laugh, we give hugs

we love

a new season

It's the start of a new year and I haven't blogged in a while.. Partly because of not having the time but mostly because of not having the inspiration, I believe they call this writers block.... I'm good at blocking things from my mind, I usually watch TV until 12 at night when my family is already asleep until I am so tired I fall asleep with the TV still on only because if I close my eyes to go to sleep the reality of my situation hits home so hard that I cry myself to sleep, thus the TV keeps my mind occupied and save from the thoughts that haunt me.....that is until recently

Now you may ask what could be so bad? well first of all my business has had a very tough year, to the extend I had to retrench most of my staff and well secondly, our amazing training site Matota burned to the ground on the 3rd of August 2014. We have other sites, don't get me wrong and it's not losing this site that terrifies my mind, it is all the funds we invested in this site that is now no more than ashes.....and insurance claims (or no claims)... and law suits..... I hate conflict, I have always hated conflict and now I managed to get myself smack bang in the middle of one of the biggest conflicts I have ever been in...... so it haunts me....until recently...

Now this will possible be the most cliche-ridden blog ever but recently, whilst watching TV and keeping my mind occupied I came across a movie called "moms night out", well I thought to myself this must be an easy watching, keep the brain busy movie, that is until one sentence, right at the end of the last scene literally changed my life, that sentence: what you do is important

The movie in a nutshell is certainly not an Oscar winner but it gave me a valuable life lesson. It's about a mom, a stay at home mom, so desperately unhappy and not because of her life but because SHE sets the bar for HERSELF so high she will never in a million years reach and then when she fails she beats herself up .... in her thoughts...over and over again and then it struck me! All this I am trying to achieve whilst being a wife and mom I have set for myself, I had the option 5 years ago to be a stay at home mom but I was driven to open a business all because I believed what I will be doing at home for my husband and kids will not be important enough: what you do is important, there it is again, that sentence.

So this year, this year the business will be handed over to people who has the passion to run it, I have taken 5 years to set it up, It is time to let go, I will not give myself more financial stress, I will dance, yes I enrolled at a dance school, not because I can dance but because I love to dance! I will not stick my kids in daycare anymore, I will be there to help with homework and see every milestone they reach, I will support my husband as he is the foundation of my life, my rock and he needs to know that I am here to carry his burdens and not contribute to it and I will become his rock and I will be happy and I will cook and I will paint and I will learn to play the piano,wait, what? okay that's maybe pushing it a little but Whatever I will do, it will be important

People, especially in my work circles, might believe I have given up, or that I failed, and from the outside It might seem that way, but to me...to me I have made the best change for the new year and that change is to BE HAPPY.

HAPPY 2015! I'm going to rock this one with two adorable toddlers dancing on my feet!